And this is why we celebrate Christmas

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rodp
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And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby rodp » 14 Dec 2017, 18:46

The Christmas story, as told in the Black Country.

The Tale of the “Babby Jesus”
There was this girl called Mary and ‘er lived in a plerce called Nazareth. One day ‘er mum went out an’ ‘er was left to do the ‘ousewerk. All of a sudden the room went all bright and when ‘er turned round, ‘er saw somebody standin’ by the winder. ‘Er wor arf surprised and nearly fell off ‘er chair. “Oom yo ?”, ‘er asked, “Yo day arf gi’ me a tern !” “Doh be scared”, answered the bloke, “I wo ‘urt yer. Me nerm’s Gabriel an’ I’m a angel !”. “Yo ay am yer ?”, sed Mary. “I am”, ‘e replied, “An’ I’ve cum ter tell yer summat”. “What ?”, said Mary, ‘cause ‘er was thinkin’ what a carry on this was. “Yo’m gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby”, sed the angel. That shook ‘er, an’ ‘er looked at ‘im an’ sed “Doh be saft ! I ay marrid !” “That doh mek any diff’rence “ ‘e answered. “If God sez yo’ll ‘ave a babby, yo’ will an’ that’s it ! Yo’ll ‘ave a babby lad an’ yo’ve got ter call ‘im Jesus !”. Mary was still a bit shook, so the angel sed … “An’ I’ll tell yer summat else, Yo’ ay the only one oos goin’ ter ‘ave a babby. Yer cousin Lizzy’s gooin’ ter ‘ave one an’; all, an’ ‘ers an ode umman !”. “Well if yo’ sez so, I s’pose that’s it “, sed Mary, “I cor do anythin’ about it, but me chap wo’ arf be surprised !”. When ‘ed gone, Mary sat for a bit an’ thought about it, then ‘er med up ‘er mind ter goo an’ see Elizabeth. So ‘er ‘ad a swill an’ went off ter Juda. When ‘er got there , Elizabeth was waitin’ at the gate an’ when ‘er saw Mary ‘er sed, “ I ay ‘arf glad ter see yo’, but fancy yo’ cummin’ ter see we in yoer stert “. Mary answered, “ A angel cum an’ sid me, an’ I’m gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby in December “. They went inter the ‘ouse an’ Elizabeth med a cup o’ tay. ‘Er tode Mary that ‘er ode mon Zacharias day believe ‘er when ‘er tode ‘im about the babby, an’ ‘e was speechless. “’E cor spake a werd now “, ‘er sed. The chap wot Mary was engaged to was called Joseph. When Mary told ‘im about the babby ‘er was ‘avin’ ‘e day know what to think. ‘E sed ,“ Your Mom wo’ arf kick up a chow row. ‘Er’s bound ter blerm me. An they woh arf rattle down our street . It ay good enough “. Any road, ‘e day get ‘is ‘air off, an’ when ‘e went ter bed that night an angel cum to ‘im in a dream. “Doh get mad at Mary about the babby “, ‘e told ‘im. “It’s God’s son ‘ers ‘avin. ‘Is nerm’s Jesus. Someone’s got to ‘ave ‘im, or ‘e who get born, an’ yower Mary was picked. So just yo’ marry ‘er mate, there ay nothin’ ter worry about “. Soon after they was marrid, Joseph cum in an’ told Mary, “I’ve ‘ad a letter from the Tax mon an’ that Caesar of owern sez ‘as we’ve gorrer goo to where we was born, to be taxed. So we’ve gorrer trerpse all the way ter Bethle’em next wick “. Mary cut sum sandwiches an’ packed a few cakes an’ opples. Then ‘er med a bottle a tay – they day ‘ave thermoses then ! – an’ when they’d ‘ad a daysent breakfast, Joseph got the donkey out, put Mary on an’ away they went. “Cheer up ower kid, it ay far now “, Joseph told ‘er. “Yo’ con see the lamps of Bethle’em down the road. We’ll soon ‘ave a rest. I shore be sorry neither, I keep getting’ bricks an’ sond in me sandals “. When they got into town, Joseph knocked on the door of an inn an’ asked for a double room. The bloke wot answered, sed “I cor ‘elp yer. There’s that many of ‘em ‘ere they’m ‘avin’ ter sleep in the passage”. The next one was like it an’ all, but Joseph sed to the chap “Ain’t there anywhere we con goo ? My missus is out there on a donkey an’ ers gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby soon “. The chap scatched ‘is yed, then ‘e ‘ad an idea. ‘E sed “We’en cleaned the sterble after tay so it ay mucky – if I shift a couple of ‘osses an’ a camel, yo cud kip down there “. Joseph day even bother to ask Mary, ‘e sed “ We’ll tek it, my mon !” straight off. In the night Mary woke Joseph up an’ sed, “The babby’s ‘ere”. So Jesus was born an’ they wrapped ‘im up tight an’ put ‘im in the manger wot the ‘osses et out on. Mary an’ Joseph wor arf proud. The innkeeper cum in with ‘is missus an’ brought some ‘ot milk for Mary. They thought Jesus was a bostin’ little lad an’ the innkeeper sed to Joseph, “Yode better come an’ ‘ave a drink to wet ‘is ‘ed. So ‘e did. The innkeeper’s wife tode ‘em all “There’s a woman out there just ‘ad a babby”, ‘er sed, “An’ if any of yoe lot kick up a racket – yome out ! “. Up in the ‘ills there was some shepherds lookin’ after the sheep. It was cold, so they was sittin’ by the fire lettin’ their dogs do the werk while they ‘ad summat to ate an’ a smoke. Suddenly the sky was lit up like bonfire night an’ a angel cum. They day know owt about angels an’ they was frit, they fell on the ground. “Yo’ am a silly lot”, sed the angel, “I shore ‘urt yer. I gorrer message for yer. There’s a babby bin born in Bethle’em. ‘Is name’s Jesus an’ e’s God’s son. Goo an’ ‘ave a look at ‘im. ‘E’s in a stable lyin’ in a manger”. The shepherds looked at each other an’ one sed “Blimey ! Yo’ doh know what’ll ‘appen these days. We’d better get crackin’ if we’m gooin’ ter do as ‘e told we”. The shepherds come down the ‘ill into Bethle’em an’ they kept on about the angels. One sed “Fancy angels comin’ to see we. We ay nobody. It ay as if we’m important”. Another agreed an’ sed “It wor arf a good toon what they sung, but I cor remember the words, con yo ?”. “Summat about glory an’ God in the ‘ighest “, answered his mate. When we get back we’ll try an’ get it writ down between we “. They must ‘ave or we wouldn’t know it now. Any road up, they come to the town. One on ‘em sed “It’s or right ‘im sayin’ we’ll find the babby in a stable. But they’m all over the plerce. We could be lookin’ for wicks ! ‘Is friend snapped at ‘im “ Why doh yo shut yer moanin’ ? Us two’ll look this side an’ yo’ pair look the other “. Another sed “It ay much use lookin’ in the stables what’m shut. An’ if there’s a new babby they’ll ‘ave a light on “. Then they ‘eard their mates whistle an’ they fun ‘em outside a stable built in a cave. Someone whispered “Doh mek a clatter, we’m ‘ere “. One knocked the door an’ Mary called “Come on in “. They took their ‘ats off an’ went in on tiptoe. The chief shepherd sed “Adoo, missus. A angel tode we ter cum an’ see yower babby “. Mary smiled an’ beckoned ‘em in. Joseph sed “’Ere ‘e is. Come an’ look, but mind yo doh breathe on ‘is ferce “. The shepherds knelt down round the manger an’ looked. “Ay ‘e tiny “, said the youngest, “Ay ‘e got little ‘ands ?”. “Corse ‘e’s tiny y’ saft ayputh “, said the leader, “E’s new ay ‘e ?”. “I know that”, said the young un, “but yo cor imagine God little con yer ?”. The shepherds turned to goo an’ little Jesus smiled. The leader sed after as it was wind an’ all babbies did it, but ‘e wor as sure as ‘e med out “. While all this was gooin’ on, three wise kings was in a country far away, lookin’ at the stars. Suddenly, one on ‘em put down ‘is telescope an’ called out “Come ‘ere yo lot. I’ve fun a star what wor ther afore, an’ it ay arf a big un !”. “Yo’m right mate “, they sed when they looked. “I’ll bet it’s that one what’s to tell us a new king was born “. They checked up an’ it was. One day they come to Jerusalem an’ went up to the pallis an’ knocked on the door. A sentry opened it an’ they asked “Is the king in ?”. the sentry sed “Arf a mo’, I’ll goo an’ see “. The king’s name was ‘Erod an’ ‘e was in. “There’s three kings to see yo”, the soldier told ‘im. “Oh ar !”, sed ‘Erod, “Where am they ?”. ‘E ‘ad a fit when the soldier sed, “Outside”. Yo cor leave kings standin’ on the step “, sed ‘Erod, “get ‘em in “. So they all cum in an’ ‘Erod sed ”‘Ow nice t’see yer an’ what could ‘e do for ‘em ?. They sed they was lookin’ for a new king and wondered if ‘e was ‘ere “. ‘Erod sed, “’E ay ‘ere, but when yo’ve fun ‘im, drop in on the way back so’s I con goo an’ ‘ave a look meself “. They sed “Righto !”, and went. The star stopped over the ‘ouse where Jesus was and the kings day worry ‘cause it wor a pallis. They went in an’ knelt down by Jesus an’ gid ‘im their gold and frankinstein and myrrh. Mary looked at the presents an’ sed “Thank you, they’m smashin’, but I’ll keep ‘em ‘til ‘e’s bigger if yo doh mind “. The kings took off their crowns an’ bowed. Then they sed “Tarrah”, and went all the way back wum.
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby sunndog » 14 Dec 2017, 21:15

You expect me to read all that.....and in a noddy holder voice to boot :crazy:
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby rodp » 14 Dec 2017, 22:33

sunndog wrote:You expect me to read all that.....and in a noddy holder voice to boot :crazy:


It's wuth a read me ode mucker, wo tek ya long. :lol:
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby hairyyoda » 14 Dec 2017, 22:40

rodp wrote:The Christmas story, as told in the Black Country.

The Tale of the “Babby Jesus”
There was this girl called Mary and ‘er lived in a plerce called Nazareth. One day ‘er mum went out an’ ‘er was left to do the ‘ousewerk. All of a sudden the room went all bright and when ‘er turned round, ‘er saw somebody standin’ by the winder. ‘Er wor arf surprised and nearly fell off ‘er chair. “Oom yo ?”, ‘er asked, “Yo day arf gi’ me a tern !” “Doh be scared”, answered the bloke, “I wo ‘urt yer. Me nerm’s Gabriel an’ I’m a angel !”. “Yo ay am yer ?”, sed Mary. “I am”, ‘e replied, “An’ I’ve cum ter tell yer summat”. “What ?”, said Mary, ‘cause ‘er was thinkin’ what a carry on this was. “Yo’m gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby”, sed the angel. That shook ‘er, an’ ‘er looked at ‘im an’ sed “Doh be saft ! I ay marrid !” “That doh mek any diff’rence “ ‘e answered. “If God sez yo’ll ‘ave a babby, yo’ will an’ that’s it ! Yo’ll ‘ave a babby lad an’ yo’ve got ter call ‘im Jesus !”. Mary was still a bit shook, so the angel sed … “An’ I’ll tell yer summat else, Yo’ ay the only one oos goin’ ter ‘ave a babby. Yer cousin Lizzy’s gooin’ ter ‘ave one an’; all, an’ ‘ers an ode umman !”. “Well if yo’ sez so, I s’pose that’s it “, sed Mary, “I cor do anythin’ about it, but me chap wo’ arf be surprised !”. When ‘ed gone, Mary sat for a bit an’ thought about it, then ‘er med up ‘er mind ter goo an’ see Elizabeth. So ‘er ‘ad a swill an’ went off ter Juda. When ‘er got there , Elizabeth was waitin’ at the gate an’ when ‘er saw Mary ‘er sed, “ I ay ‘arf glad ter see yo’, but fancy yo’ cummin’ ter see we in yoer stert “. Mary answered, “ A angel cum an’ sid me, an’ I’m gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby in December “. They went inter the ‘ouse an’ Elizabeth med a cup o’ tay. ‘Er tode Mary that ‘er ode mon Zacharias day believe ‘er when ‘er tode ‘im about the babby, an’ ‘e was speechless. “’E cor spake a werd now “, ‘er sed. The chap wot Mary was engaged to was called Joseph. When Mary told ‘im about the babby ‘er was ‘avin’ ‘e day know what to think. ‘E sed ,“ Your Mom wo’ arf kick up a chow row. ‘Er’s bound ter blerm me. An they woh arf rattle down our street . It ay good enough “. Any road, ‘e day get ‘is ‘air off, an’ when ‘e went ter bed that night an angel cum to ‘im in a dream. “Doh get mad at Mary about the babby “, ‘e told ‘im. “It’s God’s son ‘ers ‘avin. ‘Is nerm’s Jesus. Someone’s got to ‘ave ‘im, or ‘e who get born, an’ yower Mary was picked. So just yo’ marry ‘er mate, there ay nothin’ ter worry about “. Soon after they was marrid, Joseph cum in an’ told Mary, “I’ve ‘ad a letter from the Tax mon an’ that Caesar of owern sez ‘as we’ve gorrer goo to where we was born, to be taxed. So we’ve gorrer trerpse all the way ter Bethle’em next wick “. Mary cut sum sandwiches an’ packed a few cakes an’ opples. Then ‘er med a bottle a tay – they day ‘ave thermoses then ! – an’ when they’d ‘ad a daysent breakfast, Joseph got the donkey out, put Mary on an’ away they went. “Cheer up ower kid, it ay far now “, Joseph told ‘er. “Yo’ con see the lamps of Bethle’em down the road. We’ll soon ‘ave a rest. I shore be sorry neither, I keep getting’ bricks an’ sond in me sandals “. When they got into town, Joseph knocked on the door of an inn an’ asked for a double room. The bloke wot answered, sed “I cor ‘elp yer. There’s that many of ‘em ‘ere they’m ‘avin’ ter sleep in the passage”. The next one was like it an’ all, but Joseph sed to the chap “Ain’t there anywhere we con goo ? My missus is out there on a donkey an’ ers gooin’ ter ‘ave a babby soon “. The chap scatched ‘is yed, then ‘e ‘ad an idea. ‘E sed “We’en cleaned the sterble after tay so it ay mucky – if I shift a couple of ‘osses an’ a camel, yo cud kip down there “. Joseph day even bother to ask Mary, ‘e sed “ We’ll tek it, my mon !” straight off. In the night Mary woke Joseph up an’ sed, “The babby’s ‘ere”. So Jesus was born an’ they wrapped ‘im up tight an’ put ‘im in the manger wot the ‘osses et out on. Mary an’ Joseph wor arf proud. The innkeeper cum in with ‘is missus an’ brought some ‘ot milk for Mary. They thought Jesus was a bostin’ little lad an’ the innkeeper sed to Joseph, “Yode better come an’ ‘ave a drink to wet ‘is ‘ed. So ‘e did. The innkeeper’s wife tode ‘em all “There’s a woman out there just ‘ad a babby”, ‘er sed, “An’ if any of yoe lot kick up a racket – yome out ! “. Up in the ‘ills there was some shepherds lookin’ after the sheep. It was cold, so they was sittin’ by the fire lettin’ their dogs do the werk while they ‘ad summat to ate an’ a smoke. Suddenly the sky was lit up like bonfire night an’ a angel cum. They day know owt about angels an’ they was frit, they fell on the ground. “Yo’ am a silly lot”, sed the angel, “I shore ‘urt yer. I gorrer message for yer. There’s a babby bin born in Bethle’em. ‘Is name’s Jesus an’ e’s God’s son. Goo an’ ‘ave a look at ‘im. ‘E’s in a stable lyin’ in a manger”. The shepherds looked at each other an’ one sed “Blimey ! Yo’ doh know what’ll ‘appen these days. We’d better get crackin’ if we’m gooin’ ter do as ‘e told we”. The shepherds come down the ‘ill into Bethle’em an’ they kept on about the angels. One sed “Fancy angels comin’ to see we. We ay nobody. It ay as if we’m important”. Another agreed an’ sed “It wor arf a good toon what they sung, but I cor remember the words, con yo ?”. “Summat about glory an’ God in the ‘ighest “, answered his mate. When we get back we’ll try an’ get it writ down between we “. They must ‘ave or we wouldn’t know it now. Any road up, they come to the town. One on ‘em sed “It’s or right ‘im sayin’ we’ll find the babby in a stable. But they’m all over the plerce. We could be lookin’ for wicks ! ‘Is friend snapped at ‘im “ Why doh yo shut yer moanin’ ? Us two’ll look this side an’ yo’ pair look the other “. Another sed “It ay much use lookin’ in the stables what’m shut. An’ if there’s a new babby they’ll ‘ave a light on “. Then they ‘eard their mates whistle an’ they fun ‘em outside a stable built in a cave. Someone whispered “Doh mek a clatter, we’m ‘ere “. One knocked the door an’ Mary called “Come on in “. They took their ‘ats off an’ went in on tiptoe. The chief shepherd sed “Adoo, missus. A angel tode we ter cum an’ see yower babby “. Mary smiled an’ beckoned ‘em in. Joseph sed “’Ere ‘e is. Come an’ look, but mind yo doh breathe on ‘is ferce “. The shepherds knelt down round the manger an’ looked. “Ay ‘e tiny “, said the youngest, “Ay ‘e got little ‘ands ?”. “Corse ‘e’s tiny y’ saft ayputh “, said the leader, “E’s new ay ‘e ?”. “I know that”, said the young un, “but yo cor imagine God little con yer ?”. The shepherds turned to goo an’ little Jesus smiled. The leader sed after as it was wind an’ all babbies did it, but ‘e wor as sure as ‘e med out “. While all this was gooin’ on, three wise kings was in a country far away, lookin’ at the stars. Suddenly, one on ‘em put down ‘is telescope an’ called out “Come ‘ere yo lot. I’ve fun a star what wor ther afore, an’ it ay arf a big un !”. “Yo’m right mate “, they sed when they looked. “I’ll bet it’s that one what’s to tell us a new king was born “. They checked up an’ it was. One day they come to Jerusalem an’ went up to the pallis an’ knocked on the door. A sentry opened it an’ they asked “Is the king in ?”. the sentry sed “Arf a mo’, I’ll goo an’ see “. The king’s name was ‘Erod an’ ‘e was in. “There’s three kings to see yo”, the soldier told ‘im. “Oh ar !”, sed ‘Erod, “Where am they ?”. ‘E ‘ad a fit when the soldier sed, “Outside”. Yo cor leave kings standin’ on the step “, sed ‘Erod, “get ‘em in “. So they all cum in an’ ‘Erod sed ”‘Ow nice t’see yer an’ what could ‘e do for ‘em ?. They sed they was lookin’ for a new king and wondered if ‘e was ‘ere “. ‘Erod sed, “’E ay ‘ere, but when yo’ve fun ‘im, drop in on the way back so’s I con goo an’ ‘ave a look meself “. They sed “Righto !”, and went. The star stopped over the ‘ouse where Jesus was and the kings day worry ‘cause it wor a pallis. They went in an’ knelt down by Jesus an’ gid ‘im their gold and frankinstein and myrrh. Mary looked at the presents an’ sed “Thank you, they’m smashin’, but I’ll keep ‘em ‘til ‘e’s bigger if yo doh mind “. The kings took off their crowns an’ bowed. Then they sed “Tarrah”, and went all the way back wum.


:wave: :think: Now that took a good bit of time to type out Dave sorry Rodders, spell check nearly went in to melt down when your quote was highlighted :thumbup:

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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby Silent Shooter » 16 Dec 2017, 14:30

Bloody hell that just gave me brain ache even with my new glasses on,think I will have to go and lie down for an hour :lol:
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby Midnight.Sun » 28 Dec 2017, 00:45

It's very good and funny, much enjoyed, thanks for writing it, very nice work. :clap:

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rodp
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby rodp » 28 Dec 2017, 08:48

Midnight.Sun wrote:It's very good and funny, much enjoyed, thanks for writing it, very nice work. :clap:



Oh no Mr Midnight, I didn't write it. It cropped up on a Black Country site, but too good to not pass on.
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Re: And this is why we celebrate Christmas

Postby Midnight.Sun » 28 Dec 2017, 10:01

Well, thanks for passing it, the writer (or writers) deserves the credit. It is nice and funny and respectful in the same time, it has the potential to be made a small play or a short Christmas movie or an episode in the finest sitcom out there, like the characters visiting Black Country at Chrisrmas Eve, and gets overwhelmed and have a dream or something like that.

I don't know, I found it pretty funny, maybe it's because I'm a complete alien to all the British accents (or just an alien ;) ). Merry Christmas to you and everyone out there.


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