so... how did YOUR day go yesterday?

[sedstar]

i think we've all had one of *those* days...
I don't believe in OMENS, but, wat i do believe in? Is that sometime between waking up, and getting just started in the days activities? Eventually, SOMEthing happens, either slightly bad or slightly good... and while its not an OMEN and i dont believe in OMENS... it rather sets the "tone" for the rest of the day to follow.

Lets face it... if the package you have been waiting on arrives a day early as you check the mail on the way out? Things are looking up!

Lets face it... if you spill and slip on shampoo in the shower and bash the base of your skull just a LITTLE bit hard... how GOOD can you expect the REST of the day to go?

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I dont LOOK for the day-setting little thing, but, i half jokingly try to recognize them when they come. The universe has a perverse sense of humor though, and sometimes it sends you a few HINTS of a decent day starting to form... before you realize the vehicle you are driving is ON FIRE (yep, been there, done that... i HAD been thinking people falling back and letting me go on the highway had been a GOOD sign, at first blush... silly me?)

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so... didnt wake up too late, didnt RE-fall asleep... didnt forget to have a towel out before i got in the shower. Heck, didnt slip and bash my skull-base in, either. Sat down to shat, and had toilet paper.

didnt run out of marlboros before getting to work. Work wasnt so slow i made less than minimum wage... wasnt TOO busy where i would get a sore back and knee.

No one ordered EIGHT 2-liters of soda. I had pocket money for breakfast (gigantic energy drink and marlboros, lol)

The teenage girls didnt have any "love life problems" i had t hear about all day at work.... I was JUST about to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop, and was starting to get a inkling?

This might well... possibly... be a half decent day. (hey, even for overeducated white trash like me, it still happen now and again)

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when the UNIVERSE struck. The universe was SLY today. It set me up well. LULLED me into that false sense of security, as it often does.

a delivery? tipped half decent... THERE we go, i was JUST settling into the *sigh* that is a good day. And how best to CELEBRATE a half decent day?

a puppy! (i LOVE animals. The just about universally love me too. One sniff? *we're buddies* you know?

what cold be better than a tip, and a happy puppy?

"Oh, he LIKES you...", the late middle aged lady that tipped me fairly well cooed. "There comes the other one!", she added.

only thing better than a tip and a friendly dog? Two friendly dogs!

"Oh!" I exclaimed... "you have TWO of them. How cute is THAT?" to which she replied "theres even a THIRD one on the couch, but, that ones taking a rest..."

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Yep, a good day was forming. One hand on each little dogs head. They are happy and eating it up. They are both jockeying for position, wanting pets and kisses. I have my schtick down pat for dual-doggies? You give each a hand, so, theres no jealousy.

beaming from ear to ear? a 6 or 7 dollar tip? And TWO pufriendly little puppy dogs? I mean, what could possibly go wr----

CHOMP!

now, i have been bitten, like, i can count on one HAND as many times as ANY dog has EVER bitten me that i recall. Delivering? maybe ONCE i recall, and thats over a 15-20 year career at this, you know?

they are all those teensy cute things, that rather look like teacup-sized bulldogs? So tiny and ugly, they are sorta cute for it? YOU know the ones... they snort and burp and fart and slobber, and, you simply love them for it!

it CHOMPS onto my FACE.

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now, here i want to PAUSE. see how cunning the UNIVERSE is? it knows i am WARY of seemingly good days? It LULLED me into complacence with thing after thing going normal, orm even a little good. ALL part of the masterful setup.

when you DO get "bit"? There are a couple different kidns of dog bites. Theres the friendly "nip!", i dont even COUNT a friendly over-exhuberant playful nip... thats what 2 dogs playing do to each other.

this wasnt a nip... this was definitely a CHOMP.

but... this dog doesnt know, that the sensible sociable dog bite? Properly performed, is a chomp-release procedure.

I got the CHOMP, but, did not get the "release".

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no doggy language signs of this. All tail wagging fun excitement. The OWNER is cooing how nice this all is, usually a good indicator. Every ONCE in a blue moon? pets go good, but, the owner might say "ooh... just pet. Foo Foo isnt good with faces..."

I am surprised is an UNDERSTATEMENT... I dont even REACT. I just stood up quick... and if you remember how the dog didnt do the chomp-release correctly? He just chomped? Well, without the release... i now have a coupe pound DOG hanging off of my face.

I recovered well enough. Like when a girl at the bar just PASTES one on your face, and you dont expect it? ALl you do is stand there like an idiot with a red handprint on your face?

I stood there like an idiot, wondering why i cant stand up like normal, oh YEAH, there a DOG HANGING ON MY FACE.

I grabbed the tiny bulldog thing by the scruff of the neck and the collar, extracted him from my FACE (i guess he was trying to be the face hugger from the original "alien" movie?) and held him there a foot out of my face.

I once wondered what my "game face" looked like? Heck, i never knew, so once when i was real mad remembering something... i looked in the mirror? Eh... i'm pretty sure i was making THAT face.

Foo-Foo the face eater isnt barking, growling, or even squirming much or yelping... he's just LOOKING at me holding him there like "what? thats how i ROLL, dude."

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options roll thru my head. I have many...

1) take 2 steps and drop-punt "foo-foo" the face eater and go for the goalposts.

2) i have his neck, i can squeeze the life out of him, or, break his neck.

3) i can TURN, and, point blank execute him with my 45 on my hip, under my camo tshirt.

4) or, if i wanted to? I COULD just stand here, looking mad, and bleed like an impotent retard.

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after relishing #1 thru #3, i just went for #4.

tech tip: always act like its no big deal, as if you planned on it, say something "glib" and smile, you do this every day and enjoy it?

I held out foo-fooo the face eater (still curiously not complaining in any way, odd i thought) and said "Here... this is yours?" and started to go.

The lady finally got her jaw closed and started FAWNING over me, oh, YOU know the routine... pretend you care about anything other than getting your precious foo-foo off of the positively UNHINGED looking delivery guy... oh, its just an ACT to try not to get SUED... but it IS polite, so, i respect that.

I would have PREFERRED she smack the ever loving sh!t out of foo foo in front of me, but, she just fake-fawned over me... the usual social poop... "he never does this" "Dont know WHATS gotten into him" "SOMEone is NOT going to get treats tonight"... followed by the OBLIGATORY...

"are you okay?"

" *big sigh*... is my face still bleeding?"

"yes?"

"thats nice. I hope the four of you enjoy dinner. Well... the THREE of you, anyways... HE'S already eaten. Bye!"

and i gave her my absolutely WARMEST smile and went off.

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actually, the REST of the day wasnt TOO bad.

one of my teenage COOKS got heat-sick. Took her an hour and a half to recover. At least NOW the teenagers know i am not KIDDING about chugging water even when your not thirsty working in 130 degree tenperatures by an OVEN on a hot, high humidity day, thats something.

I went thru my "the very patience of JOB" umpteenth quiet sing-song dogmatic diatribe of how the dough "recipe" is not a "recipe", its an OUTLINE... that you swear to GOD to the freshman shop owners that you ARE followin teh recipe?

But that when they are not there, you WING IT, and go by sight, feel, and intuition... because FLOUR is hydroscopic, and is a sponge for humidity... and that ups the water in the recipe... so you decrease the water and UP the flour to make up for the high humidity... how the high temperature makes the YEAST as active as little hamsters on CRACK and ruin the dough... so... you deliberately "almost" kill the yeast by putting in all the dry components, and load the yeast and salt off to the side, to slow the little rascals DOWN so it doesnt raise in the bowl, and create a sticky MESS...

.... and THIS is how to get "perfect" dough on a hot humid day... and t LIE CONVINCNGLY to the well meaning but new shop owners, that you FOLLOWED the HOLY RECIPE when they congratulate you on having "perfect" dough the next day, even in these temperatures.

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the teenagers wont drink water, and will continue to get heat sick... and they wont learn how to "wing" the dough making... but, thats normal. Maybe NOW she will listen? If only because i told her the list of symptoms she was experiencing, before she could tell ME what they were? (I know that confused, pouty face... seen it before...)

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i actually MADE a few bucks, ad teh rest of the day was actually, o the whole, pretty darn okay... i mean, except for the whole teacup-bulldog-eating-my-face thingy...

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[jdk1]

But did you get a tip ?

[rodp]

But did you get a tip ?

I'll give you a tip ...............don't put your face by a strange dog

[Gloop]

Well I think mine went somewhat better than yours. My auld man was 80 the other day so I'm over in the Emerald Isle celebrating the fact that I will not get my Inheritance for a number of years yet.

Fantastic weather, great restaurant and rather a lot of cider and wine.

The universe was my friend yesterday and so far hasn't thrown a curved ball at me yet today.

[PESCA]

I think that most of our days will have been better than yours, sedders

Sorry mate, but we have a show here called "You've been framed" and you would have won £250 for a video of that incident

George

[silent shooter]

Sedstar in the UK we use to have a program called this is your life presented by a fella called Eamonn Andrews,it was a one hour show that was on weekly.I was just thinking if he had interviewed you it would have taken him months not one hour (just joking )

Geoff

[sedstar]

well i mean, to get bit is one thing, but... picture you go to stand up and you realize he's HANGING more or less off of you nose.

like the kids and the nose rings, really. Well, except its a DOG and not jewelry.

little tiny puncture marks and scrapes, like typical "ankle biter" dogs make (except its on my nose instead of my ankles)

most o the bleeding, i figured out the little fecker has what? 4 main "fangs"?

1 of the fangs must have found suitable purchase up INSIDE me nostril, enabling him to hang on gamely as he did. *shrugs* figure thats where the dripping blood came from.

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my nose is a bit sore.

but REALLY, when the owner is agreeing how much the puppies LIKE you, and how cuts it all is... really, wheres the warning?

the little furry scroat.

[Gloop]

Go on, sue! It's the American way. Just think how much nv you could buy with the payout
But I feel your pain.

[rodp]

Well, if you've got puncture wounds down the side of your nose now, I wouldn't like to stand at the side of you when you sneezed

[sedstar]

i dont "sue". its a last resort, not my first.

prime example? I was grappling for FUN at the shop i work at?

big kid, but... i was doijg "okay" given our size difference (which was considerable)... There was suddenly a "tearing, ripping sound", EVERYone heard it... kinda like a loud, slow apple-bite...

that was my KNEE. I was on a walker for couple weeks, cane for another month or two, and i had a hip to ankle brace to help me out.

since this happened at WORK... who wouldnt use workmans comp, eh?

I didnt. It was MY idea to grapple for fun... i told the emergency room the next day i fell down the stairs getting the mail and my leg went funny under me. NO ONE could BELIEVE i did that.

I simply dont sue, except as a last resort.

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in my mind, i am a sissy if i sue and i dont have to. Obviously though, most americans dont feel burdened by my ethics.

this isnt the first time, the knee, that everyone thought i should sue. When i was young? my best friend literally kicked me in the face while passed out for some minutes... i almost died.

i shut off the lawsuit after i got up and around. trust me, i had extensive damage.

shattered jaw. Broke in 4 or 5 places, compound fractures. IE, jawbones were poking out of the face. cheekbone was crushed and ground like safety glass. cheek bone "opened up". Eye socket broken, eyeball "occluding" and swollen. Too many cracked and broken ribs to count. Nose was not only broke, it was open and what you think of as "your nose" could have fallen out. Dislocated hip was a nice touch. i can DESCRIBE the procedure to rebuild the cheekbone part of the opertion... i was awake and unable to move or scream for most of it. I identified hospital workers, and described the apparatus and procedure. Mercifully? I went "under" and wasnt "there" for the jawbone "cobbling".

eh, i was in a "coma" for about a day and a half. When i woke UP? they had just shoved the nose in, and stitched up the skin over the nose, compund jaw fractures, and cheekbone temporary like.

since i had been DRINKING, i wasnt allowed any pain killers or non emergency surgery for 72 hours. Tylenol only... yes, it *tickled* for 72 hours, lol... then i as allowed to be introduced to what i would later learn was "ahhhhhhh... morphine"

i decided, that if i SUED, i was stating i was a sissy. Been like that my whole life. Yes, you can start a fight with me, literally kick me i the face until i am almost dead... and i wont sue you.

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after THOSE examples i set?

how could i FACE people if a teacup sized pooch caused me to seek compensations?

i'd as well start to wear a SKIRT around.

i have had so many cracked ad broken ribs, and broken noses i lost count years ago. I have quite a collection of long scars on my face from going thru the windshield in car wrecks several times.

one year after the KNEE injury? I was FINALLY walking sort of normally again, with minimal pain... finally decided to walk a couple miles home, wanted to try my leg out?

near as anyone figures, i got clipped by a pickup truck, LMAO. Blew my left shoulder out... ait been a year yet, its "better". The KNEE and the SHOULDER aint never gonna be what they were, but... the knee an the shoulder finally "slowed m down some" and took some of the p!$$ out of my vinegar, lol...

i'm almost 45 now... i dont know WHAT this is all gonna feel like as i get older. *shrugs* prolly find out eventually, god willing.

why start being a sis pants NOW, after 45 years of being half a hard@$$ and ruin my run now?

the mantra....

chicks dig scars
pain is weakness leaving the body
injuries usually heal.
cowardice almost never heals.

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its kind of funny, the little dog HANGING off me nose like it did, LMAO... had it been a Staffordshire Terrier? I'd rather have gotten dragged around the room a bit, and be missing a sizeable portion of me FACE.

im a handsome devil, though i suppose i COULD be a tad biased.